Jimmy and Victor have known each other for a little more than ten years. Jimmy's an Irish kid from Charlestown. Victor's Black. He's from Brooklyn. Their paths cross several times a year on each other's turf (usually Red Sox /Yankees games), where each vouch for the other when their respective colleagues want to know, "Who the fuck is that?"
Last year, they decided to go partners at the Final Four. For those that don't know "going partners" can work a few different ways, but basically its like this: Two guys pool their cash, share expenses (airfare, hotel, car rental, food), work the event as a team, and split the profit (or loss). Even guys that always work alone tend to make an exception for the Super Bowl or Final Four or World Series. These events require a lot of up-front investment and there are plenty of scumbags looking to rip off a scalper who is not paying attention. A partner provides another level of security. Also, working as a team is more efficient. When one guy is picking up or dropping off seats, his partner can be combing Craigslist or Stubhub for more.
So, Jimmy and Victor are sitting in their New York hotel at their respective laptops. Victor works. Jimmy is daydreaming....
JIMMY
Hey, can I ask you something?
VICTOR
Yeah. What's up?
JIMMY
When we show up in New York, what do you guys call us?
Victor, a bit perplexed, looks over the top of his screen. His eyes meet Jimmy's.
VICTOR
I'm not sure I know what you
mean. What are you asking me?
JIMMY
I said...When we come to
The City, what do you call us?
VICTOR
I heard what you said. I just...
Who are we talking about, here?
JIMMY
Scalpers. You know, New York
hustlers...Boston hustlers.
VICTOR
Ummm. We...call...you...scalpers.
JIMMY
Very funny, fuckstick.
You know what I mean.
Victor, a little annoyed, shrugs.
JIMMY
(to the air)
Ay, ay, aye, this fucking guy.
(to Victor)
When a bunch of scalpers, white guys, from
Boston or wherever show up, like six or seven
deep, at a Yankees game or a Pearl Jam show,
what do you and your homies call them?
VICTOR
My homies? Really?
JIMMY
Whatever, why you being a dick, Victor?
Its a simple goddamned question. When
y'all bitch about us behind our backs, you
gotta call us something. You know, we
call you niggers. What do you call us.
Victor blinks. You can almost hear the cartoon "doink-doink" noise. He stares at Jimmy.
JIMMY
Don't look at me like that. Its not
racist and you know it.
VICTOR
This oughta' be good.
JIMMY
It's like..."Jesus, can you believe this? This game's
already a stiff and to top it off we got these niggers
to contend with."
VICTOR
You say this?
JIMMY
Not so's I can remember, but it sounds like something
I'd say. Sounds like something every kid I grew up
with would say. So what do you guys call us? Nobody
says, "Honkey" or "Cracker" anymore, do they?
VICTOR
So y'all call us, "niggers"?
Jimmy nods. Victor is starting to get pissed off.
JIMMY
Jesus, are you mad? What the fuck! You think
I'm a racist? I'm one of your best friends. How
many jackpots I help get you out of? And that
goes both ways. Be pissed off if you want to, but
tell me what the fuck you call us so I can stop...
ruminating.
Victor stews for a minute, then starts to think. He shakes his head.
VICTOR
Niggas. We call y'all, "Niggas".
JIMMY
Really?
VICTOR
Yeah, like, "Man, we show up in Boston,
we 'bout get run off. Then, these niggas here
show up at this mutherfucker? Fuck these niggas!"
JIMMY
Wow. So you call us the same thing we call you?
VICTOR
Yeah, I guess so.
(beat)
JIMMY
So, we're good, then?
Victor closes his laptop and starts walking out.
VICTOR
No, nigga, we are NOT good!
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